Monday, January 5, 2009

Alright Al... lets calm down... I won...


Hello Minnesota!

Well it seems that Al Franken just can't get his head wrapped around the fact that I am in fact the winner in this race. C'mon Al... Minnesota needs a Senator, so the faster you could concede the better. The crowd roars and summons their elected Senator, Norm Coleman.

So let's calm down Al... I won... we all agree... its just a question of when you'll realize it, thats all. But to help you out, lets look at the facts:

  1. I won on Nov. 4th when I said I won. If I know history (and I think I do Al... lol) most of what America was founded on was a sort of first come first serve thing. Kind of why we own the moon now. Do you understand where I'm coming from? I said I won... and I was under the strict idea that we were running on a "no take-backs" platform.
  2. There are missing ballots. End of story. There are a couple hundred ballots missing. Now I know what you're going to say, the number of ballots just don't equal the number of "votes" I'm "behind." Well, lets get real Al, obviously your inexperience shines through again. Lets remember the law that some ballots are worth 1.5 their worth. You probably haven't heard of the law, its one only Washington insiders know... also I created it in my office two weeks ago when John Boehner and I were hanging out in my couch fort.
  3. How could Minnesota elect a Senator who's teeth aren't perfectly aligned to a point that makes people uncomfortable. I can wield my power well, because my teeth are so gosh darn perfect.
Minnesota needs a Senator Al, so stop this silly "recount" charade. I know that if I were in your shoes I would.

-Senator Norm Coleman.