Dear Al Franken,
Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pleeeeeeaaaaase!!
C'mon, Al, I legally changed my name to Senator for this. I got a tattoo on my ankle that says Senator for life. I told my wife that I already won.
I really really want this, Al. Please be nice. I did you wrong before, I'll never do you wrong again. What if I made you secretary of greatness? I could buy you lunch every day for a year! And I'm talking Chipotle... I'll take you to Chipotle every day for a year if you left me have this. Just let me have this. I was here first, and I like it here... my office smells like juniper berries if you smell just right.
If you say yes, I'll let you play in my couch fort with Boehner and I. It's an exclusive club, Al! But you can't bring girls. The girls will make the legislation move at a slow, stupid pace.
Let me know about my offer. I'll even chip in extra so you can get guac on your burrito. If I was in your shoes, I'd do it.
P.S. Pretty please with a cherry on top.